RLDS Association for Ministry to Military Personnel Newsletter The Peacekeepers July 2000 Issue The RLDS Peacekeepers newsletter is available in an e-mail and a "snail-mail"  edition. Active-duty military members who join the Association can receive either edition for free.  Non-active-duty members receive either edition with a paid membership.

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Curt’s Column

Flanders’ Field Then & Now

To the Military Spouses

My husband is in the service.  One day last fall we made a quick stop on our way to a formal Marine Corps event.  As we walked through the store, many people looked at my husband in his dress blues.  One woman approached him and thanked him for what he does and the sacrifices he makes.  She said that her husband was in the Army for many years and that he now rest in Arlington Cemetery.  Then she thanked me and said she understood what a difficult job I had being his wife.

My husband and I walked away touched by the sincerity in her voice.  I will never forget her, not only because she took the initiative to thank my husband, but because she also recognized large group of people usually overlooked: the spouses.

To all those other military wives (and Husbands) out there: You are appreciated.  All of you who faithfully wait for reunions, who have lost count of the tearful goodbyes, those who sleep in empty beds that suddenly seem so large, who comfort the children because they miss Dad or Mom and those afraid to leave the house because they might miss that weekly phone call from thousands of miles away.

Thanks to all who, like my husband, leave their loved ones for sometimes months at a time and wipe the tears as they go.  Thanks to all of those who share my job of supporting their spouses.

At last, thank you Abby, for shedding light on this subject.  A lot of hard work and heartache go with being involved in the service.  Those men and women deserve our thanks.  (Signed) Proud and Loving Wife in Georgia.

Abby Replies: DEAR PROUD: You have a right to be proud.  My hat is off to the families of our servicemen and women, because the home fires often require a lot of stoking and the task falls upon them.  Your letter reminds me of a quotation first uttered by John Milton:  "They also serve who only stand and wait."

For the Military Wives

While there are some male spouses of military women who also put the shoulder to wheel to keep the family running smoothly, that is another story.  Today we salute the military wife.

If you believe that short pay, long temporary duties, low housing standards and high operating tempo have the greatest impact on retention, you are wrong.

The greatest impact comes from the wives of those who serve at the pleasure of their respective service secretary.
It is the wives who determine retention trends, and we would all do well to acknowledge that fact.  They also provide the solid foundation on which military families are built.  Were it not for their support of their husbands' careers, retention in the armed forces would have long since triggered a return of the draft.

Military wives never receive the recognition earned or rewards due for the unwavering support of their husbands.  They serve with as much pride, dedication and commitment as their active-duty husbands.

Compared to their civilian counterparts, military wives carry a much greater responsibility for the family's well being.
Because of military duties, 12-hour days, deployments, and remote assignments, active-duty husbands are notoriously unreliable as far as assisting in the day-to-day family responsibilities.

Wives generally attend to the children's school enrollment, dental and medical appointments, inoculations, school lunches, school counseling, extracurricular activities, summer vacations, teen problems and their own careers—just to keep everything on track.

It is the wife who explains to the children that they must leave their close friends, forgo earned school accolades and depart their homes in the middle of a semester or sports season—after they finally made the first string.

Who explains to the children that they must move to another part of the world without completing their high school years with their friends?  Who explains that even though they feel lousy, the system says they must wait for medical and dental appointments?  Who makes those same children understand that Dad's absence is not by choice, may not be good for the family, but is in the best interest of the United States.  Why, it's Mom, of course.

It is she who sets aside her career in deference to her husband's military duties, and as it is she who plans, organizes and referees the departure from comfortable surroundings to a location filled with unknown challenges and possible danger to the family.

The wife does the major preparation for the permanent change of station.  She determines what must go into hold baggage, what to get rid of at the garage sale, and what they can do without for the next three or four months.  She determines when the household goods pickup will cause the least disruption and give them the best chance of a smooth move.

How many silent (and mostly hidden) tears have fallen when the husband announces that the family must pull up roots and move to a foreign — perhaps unfriendly — part of the world?
Worse sometimes is when he goes on a short-notice, six-month deployment, dropping the complete family burden on his wife.

He seldom sees the anguish in her heart.  She does what must be done to reduce his worries about the family while he is away.

There are countless times, long after taps plays, when the husband comes home and unloads the frustrations and disappointments of the day on his wife.  In most cases, she provides the sympathy and understanding that give him that small bit of hope that tomorrow will be better.  She gives him support and hides her frustrations and need for comforting assurance until another time.

Most wives know that the unexpected departure of a military husband for six months to a year is closely parallel to his death.  Almost all the responsibilities shift to her.  She also can tell you the military system is no longer as responsive to family needs as it is when he is around, and life gets harder just when the need for support becomes greatest.

And it is the neighborhood wives who provide the personal comfort and support so needed by new widows and wives of those recently missing in action.

Even though they richly deserve them, wives receive no medals for their volunteer wok or for being dedicated, devoted and supportive of their military husbands.  But rest assured, ladies, that God loves you.  How could he not?

Terry D. Stevens is a retired Air Force colonel living in San Antonio.
 

Curt Continues…

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Quips & Quotes

God’s Army

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled  him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service."
 
 

For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.  (Philippians 4:13)